A Little Self-Love

I haven't always loved my body, in fact, I spent most of my teens and 20s trying to 'fix it'. Don't get me wrong, I've always loved my curves, I just wanted less of them in certain places. 

But today at 34 years old I can honestly say I love my body, every single curve. Not because I've finally achieved that silhouette I spent years chasing (I haven't… far from it in fact!), but because I finally understand how amazing and powerful it is.

My wonderful body grew, birthed and nurtured the love of my life, my perfect little boy, and it's in the process of doing it all again! It has endured so much and is capable of so much more, and really it's about time I showed it a little appreciation! Because every scar, every stretchy and every wobbly bit tells my story, the story of my children, the story of our lives together, and that's pretty beautiful.

This is why when our family photographer Victoria Prince suggested trying to get some slightly risqué shots as part of my second maternity shoot, I was all up for trying it out, after all if I wasn’t comfortable with them they never had to see the light of day, and I’d still have some lovely classic images from the experience. Needless to say I loved them (hence this post) and If you'd told me 10 years ago I'd one day be sharing such revealing pictures of myself, I would've called you crazy, but today I don't care about the haters, prudes and critics. 

I absolutely love being a mother, it has completely taken over my life, and I'm ok with that, but every once in a blue moon it's nice to do something for me. It's very rare, and the stars really need to align for it, but it happens, and that's what my maternity shoots have been like. 

Not so much with my first but with this last pregnancy I've definitely been feeling a little out of touch with my own needs. Being pregnant whilst looking after a toddler with no OFF button is HARD! Add to it that I was working full-time from home (so no motivation to dress nice or wear makeup) and you can imagine what I looked like.

This shoot certainly pulled me out of that funk! Vic requested curls (which I don't normally invest time in), and because of the nature of the pictures we'd be trying to get I went all out and pampered myself with all the necessary waxing, a manipedi and a few face and hair masks to get myself ready. All of this at home btw (I'm not made of money!), which reminded me I should do it more often since I'm obviously capable of it!

On the day I felt like a million bucks. My mom was looking after my little boy and I had a few hours in the studio of just me and Vic. I can honestly say there is nobody else I'd do something like this with. Vic isn't just our photographer, she has become a trusted friend and throughout the shoot she made me feel not only comfortable but beautiful, empowered and confident.

It didn't take long before I started to get some of the finished shots and I couldn't believe how much I loved them, every single one! They definitely embody all the self-love I'm feeling these days and I've already chosen a few to frame and display in our bedroom, not because I'm a narcissist (I'm not), but because they will constantly remind me that taking care of myself and ensuring I have some 'me time' every once in a while won't take anything away from giving my family my all, quite the opposite in fact. 

So thanks Vic, your talent is truly extraordinary, and it's matched only by the amazing heart and character you share with all those around you! Can't wait for our next shoot together (if little lady ever decides to make an appearance… 41 weeks and counting!).

And to anyone reading this, I hope this post inspires you to indulge in a little self-love, whatever that may look like for you, just give it a go, make the time, you deserve it!

Mommy Milestones: Breastfeeding

Last week my little love turned 18 months, which was also a pretty proud day personally, because I celebrated 18 months of being a breastfeeding mama.

Why is this important? Because I never really thought I’d get this far, I hoped I would but who can really say with these things? In any case, in parenting things can get overwhelming at times, so it’s important to celebrate the small victories and these little mommy milestones to put things into perspective.

When I first became a parent I didn’t give a lot of thought to breastfeeding, just assumed I would do it and it would all work out fine because it’s what nature intended. Little did I know nature has quite a few curve balls to throw at us, including but not limited to: cluster feeding, latch problems, supply issues, teething, tongue tie and mastitis.

Now, I’m one of the lucky ones, I’ve never had to deal with the last two (so far), but did have some first-hand experience with the rest. My favourite hurdle was of course teething. That was a fun one.

So why am I writing this now? Probably because I feel our breastfeeding journey might be coming to an end. I was hoping to feed until age two, as recommended by the World Health Organization, but little one has his own ideas and has been gradually weaning himself off to the point that we’re down to just one or occasionally two comfort feeds a night.

I have to say, I’m glad he’s made that choice for me because I love our booby cuddles and would’ve hated to take those away from him. I was of course considering tandem feeding but honestly doubt we will get to that.

Anyway, my point today is to share some of the things I wish I’d known at the start of my journey, they would’ve made things a lot easier, and hopefully this can help another mama who may be going through some of the same. Just to be clear, I’m not a breastfeeding expert or specialist, and this is all just based on my experiences.

CLUSTER FEEDING

My first experience with this caused me great desperation. Why was my baby going crazy with his feeds? He would latch on for over an hour and then 10 minutes later be hungry again, or just be on and off the boob constantly, it was relentless. Was my milk not filling enough? Was he not having as much as I thought he was? Was I doing it wrong?

The answer to all these questions is cluster feeding. It happens, it’s a thing, it’s perfectly normal, and the one to remember: it’s temporary. In the moment, when you combine the exhaustion and sleep deprivation, it may seem like it will last forever and there is no respite, but hang tight, power through. It may be that baby is getting your milk supply established, or that they’re going through a growth spurt and need the extra nutrients, either way, it will pass. Just hang in there.

LATCH PROBLEMS

You just get baby close to the boob and they do the rest, right? Not necessarily. Sometimes you have to help baby get into the right position. When I first started nursing, it hurt, a lot. I thought it was probably normal to start but little did I know that my latch was all wrong.

Luckily I have a very supportive friend (thanks Mrs Potter!) who is an absolute breastfeeding goddess and was kind enough to come visit and help me correct my latch. She also taught me how to feed lying down, which was an absolute game changer for me.

Another great help were the series of Breastfeeding videos from UNICEF that I came across online. You can find them here and they give pretty great guidance on how it’s done. My best advice is don’t suffer in silence, hospitals have Breastfeeding specialists and latch consultants who can help with this sort of thing, and the sooner you get it right, the smoother your journey will be.

SUPPLY ISSUES

Now I kind of did and kind of didn’t have this. I was producing enough milk to feed my son, so that was good, but not enough milk to pump and freeze to create a stash. This was important to me as I wanted my son to keep having his mama’s milk even when I wasn’t there.

After some research I tried a few things like pumping straight after a feed, feeding from one breast while I pumped from the other, and pumping whilst looking at my sleeping baby or pictures of him to get the let-down flowing.

I also tried galactagogues. If you haven’t heard about these before, they are foods or herbs that are meant to increase your milk supply. I had oatmeal for breakfast every morning, tried various brands of mother’s milk tea (with fennel as the main ingredient), and baked oatmeal cookies with brewer’s yeast.

It worked. I went from pumping one ounce a day to getting three and occasionally even six on a good day. I couldn’t say definitively what it was that worked because I tried it all at once. Could have been the pumping methods, the galactagogues, or the combination of both of these.

Now some breastfeeding specialists don’t believe galactagogues are actually effective, in fact I’m in an online Breastfeeding support group where any comments about these are deleted by admin. I was happy to try everything, and whether they actually worked or simply provided me with a placebo effect, at least I got to have some delicious cookies during my pumping sessions, so no complaints here! At the end of the day, no two of us are the same and you have to find what works for you.

TEETHING

This was brutal, only with the first few teeth though. When Harvey started to cut his first tooth, which was of course closely followed by a second one, he was obviously keen to test them out, and so my nipples took the brunt of it. The biting was painful but when he cut through the skin and started to draw blood, that’s the only time I’ve considered stopping my breastfeeding journey.

I’m glad I didn’t though. I got myself some nipple shields to use for a couple days while my skin healed (which I used with difficulty as he hated them), and gave Harvey milk from my stash so he wouldn’t have any of the freshly pumped milk (in case it had traces of blood). I also started saying ‘no biting’ in a stern voice and taking the breast away, so he would associate the action of biting with stopping a feed.

Someone suggested putting on teething gel before feeding and I have to say, this was some of the best advice I’ve had. It really helped, and in no time, my nipples had healed, we were off the shields and the biting stopped. He now has seven teeth total and we happily feed with no biting.

SUPPORT GROUPS

The UK has some of the lowest breastfeeding rates in the world, and this is largely attributed to a lack of support. Personally I found that the support is there as long as you’re happy to do some digging.

I attended a breastfeeding group in a local children’s centre and also joined a few support groups on Facebook: Salisbury Breastfeeding Support Group which was associated with the hospital I gave birth in and included their nursing specialists amongst the admin, and a few others including Breastfeeding Yummy Mummies, UK Breastfeeding support, Breastfeeding Mamas, and PRIVATE Breastfeeding And Beyond.

Absolute life saver. No matter the issue, no matter the time of day, there is always someone at the other end of the keyboard. Some mamas will have gone through the same or similar and have an answer to your questions, others just like to give words of encouragement, either way, their comments and advice are always welcome and appreciated as far as I’m concerned.

So here’s to my Platinum Boobies! And wherever you are in your journey, know that you are doing a great job and I wish you the best!

Gaby xXx